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Once You Hit Old Age…
Once you hit old age, doctors must replace some of your parts to keep you alive and shut down other parts that you don’t need all together. Having a colostomy bag is not fun and if I had the choice...
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The Octogenarian Revolution Has Begun!
Mrs. Aldrich is absolutely sick of THOSE DAMN KIDS! It’s bad enough she has go to the doctor three times a week and take a bag full of pills each day just to have the strength to watch television, but...
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The VFW Hall Ain’t What It Used To Be
There are now more Goddamned documentary filmmakers in the VFW bar area than actual veterans. Asshole punk filmmakers with their zippo cameras who just learned there was a World War 2 and think that...
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In 1944, I Was Ordered To Go To Spain
On this date, in 1944, I was ordered to go to Spain after five months of heavy fighting in eastern France. I counted 35 kills in my personal quest to get to the Rhine but my fuck-ass superior officer...
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I Was A Teenager In The Great Depression
… My father was unemployed. We had very little food. We never bathed. I didn’t go to school very often. But I was a teenager so I didn’t give a shit about any of that stuff. I just wanted to have...
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Friday Nights Are Hell Around Here…
Friday nights are Hell around here and God knows I’ve never been too high on abortions – but if it meant I would get one peaceful Friday night, I would have aborted every one of THOSE DAMN KIDS in the...
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Pension Fund Shot?
Retirement money dried up? Stop your bitching and do what me and Mrs. Aldrich do – EAT DOG FOOD. And not that premium Alpo crap – I’m talking Chappie Original Dog Food Meal! Me and the Mrs. have been...
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Lester Aldrich Has Colostomy Bag Issues And Can’t Straighten His Fingers…
Hello, this is Mrs. Aldrich – Lester Aldrich’s wife. He wanted me to type something here to tell you that he can’t write his column today because he has issues with his colostomy bag (see right) and...
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When John Glenn Circled The Earth
There’s not a man outside waiting to kill me if I step out of my house and there’s NOT a terrible flu virus killing off the old people of the world (Swine Flu is for pussies!). The only problem, as I...
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Friday Nights Are Hell Around Here
Friday nights are Hell around here and God knows I’ve never been too high on abortions – but if it meant I would get one peaceful Friday night, I would have aborted every one of THOSE DAMN KIDS in the...
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